Steph: I am the Slug

I have been struggling for the last 3 weeks with my running and I thought it was about time that I admitted it to myself and the entire world.

I have continued to hate running throughout this process.  That never changed.  But I could feel progress.  I was seeing my waist shrink.  I went down a dress/pant size.  I went from XL shirts to L shirts.  I was less out of breath when doing chores around the house.  I could walk around my neighborhood downtown with ease.  I was able to run a little more each week.  Don't get me wrong .... I still HATED running ... but I was LOVING what it was doing for me!

Then the plateau hit.  And it hit hard.  About 2 months ago, I stopped losing weight.  No more inches went missing, I stayed in the same size.  It was discouraging.  I felt robbed that I was doing the same things and nothing was happening.  I talked with my husband, my running buddy Jill, and even my doctor.  They all had the same advice.  Up the exercise.  Then I got mad.  No one told me when I started this that I would have to work out 5-7 days a week to continue the progress.  I was just getting used to the 3 days a week adjustment from the 0 days a week. 

But I tried to do it.  I added in an extra workout a week (up to 4) and when possible got in a 5th.  But it was hard.  I don't know how people do it while working.  There are days that I just do NOT have the time to get in that 5th, 6th, and 7th workout.  There are days after teaching when I can not possibly imagine doing anything at all besides dinner and bed.  It is just plain hard.  But I was still plugging along.  Hating it all the way.  But doing it just the same.

Then 3 weeks ago all HELL broke out in my body.  I feel like I am at war with myself.  My mind says ... you MUST get in at LEAST your 3 days of running a week.  My body and soul is saying ... you need to run NONE at all.  And my husband ... who has been so amazingly supportive since the 2nd week of this process ... has been getting frustrated with me.  Like it is something that I am purposefully doing.  I am not.  I wish that I still had that "go get um" attitude that I had for the first 5 months.  But I don't.  It is gone.

I have kept running these last 3 weeks mainly due to the persistence of my husband.  But they have been crappy runs ... slow runs ... short runs .... runs that make me feel like the first time that I ran for 3 straight minutes back in November.  A run that makes me feel like a slug that is trying to be a tortoise.  It makes each time that I am getting ready to run again even harder.  My brain feels completely defeated and I am currently only going through the running motions for Mike.  Not for myself like I was for the first 5 months. 

I don't know what I need to break through this mental block.  But it feels physical too.  Like every step weighs 500 pounds.  I am floundering in this sea of running.  I need to find my way.  In 3 weeks school gets out.  I will try to re-motivate then.  But for now, motivation seems like something so far out of reach that I will never get to it.